Trevor Francis

As it turns out, Kaka isn’t on his way to Manchester. He’s staying loyal to the Milan faithful after his agent let slip that it was City who had made the offer, not United.

It’s a significant time for such a credit-busting bid to be scuppered, knowing it would easily have become the world record transfer, knocking Zidane’s move to Madrid off the top spot. The reason for such a landmark occasion is we’re nearly 30 years to the day since the original big-bucks deal was first struck.

The woes of Gareth Southgate

New Year, New Sack Race

The old (rather lame) gag did the rounds back in 1996: What’s the fastest way to leave Wembley? Through the South Gate.

Ever since he stepped up to the plate, taking on the mantle of the last England player who you’d want to take a sudden-death penalty, Gareth Southgate’s career has become a series of stumbles and falls. It’s a far cry from the days of his towering performances at the heart of the Villa defence, but his transition to management has been swift and his learning curve quickly grafted by a Premier League season which is fast becoming something of a transition for many clubs.

City must be prudent in January

Hands up, does anybody else take a perverse pleasure in looking out for the team who’s totally out of their depth in the Premiership? You know the ones I mean. The Sunderlands and Boltons of bygone years. The Derby County of last season – ha! Just 11 points! They’re rubbish! These are teams you need in your life to make you feel better about your team. Unless, of course, the team you support is the exact same aforementioned team excelling in crapness.

On the attack

My heartfelt apologies to anyone who is loathe to the idea of talking about anything else than our sport of choice. Please understand it’s hard for me to let go of the image I carry of a Surrey boy who went to a pretty up-its-own-arse state school which has a reputation of masquerading as a private school, but that’s exactly my history. There were the rabid taunts from other, less well-to-do schools of our deckchair-themed blazers and faux upper crust reputation. But worse than that, our Games lessons consisted of the middle-class sports, rotated by the seasons: rugby in the winter, cricket in the summer. To get a kick about was a luxury.

Hume deserves better protection

Your Honour, it was always pretty soul destroying to see your team take a heavy loss and having to head in to school the following Monday to face the taunts of your peers. When it was England going out of a major tournament, however, the collective sense of loss was evident the moment you crossed the threshold into your first classroom.

Think football, not financial

Recently, I left my job and with it the long, 40-mile each-way journey that went with it. The preserve paradox of signing on in the current financial climate is that I’m actually better off now there’s no more need for the constant daily refilling of my car. It’s quite nice to keep it to myself, but staying at home for a while was a shelter from the obscene panic now gripping everyone from merchant bankers to minimum wage staff across the land. Meanwhile, we just sit back and watch Manchester City lining up their next bid for a world class footballer that may seem audacious to them, but ludicrous and a waste of time to the rest of us.

Has Wenger lost the plot?

Do you remember when Wenger arrived at Arsenal way back when? The days of new exciting signings such as Dennis Bergkamp and company tipped the scales on the Premiership balance of power and made Arsenal a formidable force. And those spectacles! Those googly-eyed pint glasses were comedy gold. He seemed to be a walking advert for anyone quoting the famous line, “he should’ve gone to Specsavers.

I’m so sorry, he’s from Pamplona…

The devilish fiend of Farrier returns just in time for All Hallow’s Eve and with another tantalising proposition, arguing both sides of the story just for the sake of stirring the cauldron. As there is no possible way of furthering the tedious Halloween link to a certain Arsenal goalkeeper, let’s just get straight on with the big question:

Phil Brown’s boys can stay up top

We’ve covered a lot of ground with recent blogs. To summarise: Spurs are rubbish. So too are Newcastle. The fact is that their downfalls are created not only through their own incompetences, but because of the mathematics of the football league; every year, three teams come up from The Championship, and three take their place from The Premiership. We all know that. But we’ve now arrived a point where the top flight has stabilised since its reformation 90s. A club’s fortunes in the league are dictated primarily on the amount of (or the lack of) money that’s readily available to each club.

Oh no it isn’t, oh yes it is!

What a month it’s been for Newcastle United. Keegan and his beloved Toon started the season with an impressive point at Old Trafford, things were looking good, until Keegan gave Mike Ashley a wish list which consisted of Thierry Henry, Ronaldinho and Frank Lampard! Wise got him Collocini and Gutierrez, good players non the less but ones Keegan knew nothing about. Two weeks Keegan’s left, oh no is hasn’t, Keegan’s back, oh no isn’t, Keegan’s leaves again, oh yes he has. How much more can their poor fans take? ‘My life is finished ‘ said one disgruntled lady fan on Match of the Day. And top all this, they lose at home to Hull City.